Space Assassin – Part Three

It was time to break out a Gravity Bomb. Having made my way past the giant guard, I was left with three doors to pick from, the middle one required me to blow it open with a Gravity Bomb, so being the most exciting option, that was where I went. What I found was a small room full of blobs.

sa 002


These floating black spheres drifted about the room, touching nothing and giving away nothing about their ‘intent’. Not being in possession of the Pan-Dimensional Homing Device the text asked about, I took a risk and just walked straight across the room to the door on the other side. I held my breath and walked onwards, finding that the spheres happily drifted out of my way, allowing me to proceed unhindered.

My next obstacle was a long, high hallway, along each side of which were a series of pedestals displaying a variety of metal creatures, sadly accompanied by no illustrations. In total there were eight of them arranged in pairs and as I approached the first, they slowly came to life t0 face me. ‘The moon is red, the sky is pink‘, said a metal bird. ‘Which is faster, light or time?‘, asked it’s friend. Astutely I offered the correct answer of time. A second set of unidentified creatures asked, ‘Up is up and down is down, but do they really exist or are they ghosts?‘. As they are relative, I chose to answer that they are not and progressed onto the next two. ‘Hey you, helmet-head! Where are you going?‘, they asked, to which I responded with the truth, that I was off to find Cyrus. Perfectly happy with that answer, they allowed me to move onto the final two flanked two identical doors. Taking me back to the two door-knockers in Labyrinth, they argued about their integrity, ‘The right door is the one you want‘, ‘Don’t listen to him, he lies‘, ‘Only sometimes‘… I chose the right one and that led me to a long room occupied by two robot Sentinels who instantly opened fire on me.

sa 009


You may remember that back at the start of this book, I read up on some robotics? Well it came out to be a good decision as I gained 1 point of damage to my attacks in the subsequent combat, which was a little tougher than previous encounters with the pair being at 8/9.

Another call-back to early on in the adventure came into play as these Sentinels were guarding the door to the bridge, and on the bridge was of course the ships pilot.

sa 019


I’ve been looking forward to chatting with such an interesting person‘, said the very shiny robot who was apparently flying this thing. Engaging me in conversation, the pilot tried to get me to discuss consciousness and some other abstract ideas, but bearing in mind what I had been warned earlier, I repeatedly said I didn’t know. Dismissing me as boring, the pilot let me continue on my way. Three doors were available to me now, I chose the one marked ‘COMPUTER’ and took the opportunity to start blasting stuff! It could lead the ship to crash, killing billions on the planet below, but hey-ho, I had my fun.

A door led off from the wrecked computer systems and led me into what I thought was an illustration that could have been intended for House of Hell or some other spooky-house story.

sa 012

No, this wasn’t the Earl of Drumer cherry partner or somesuch, this was Cyrus. ‘Er… welcome, can I offer you a drink?‘, he asked, startled and surprised to be confronted by something non-robotic or experimented upon. I had no time for his nonsense, I just wanted this book… I mean this assassination to be over! I moved straight in for the kill, but he motioned for mercy and asked me to play one hand of cards with him. Trying to grab him, he tried a different strategy and brandished a mechanical device at me, claiming it would fire a guided, armour-piercing dart at me. Again, having no time for this I ignored his threats, he saw this and threw the device at my face, fleeing to a secret escape chute. The device turned out to be the innards of a clock. I followed him through the chute and found him to have used the time he made to make himself somewhat more capable in combat.

sa 010


This suit was apparently called a Waldo and at 9/12 it was a final boss of little difficulty. And that was it. The end of Space Assassin.

I will conclude this read-through with an image of the final paragraph, the big ‘turn to 400’ moment, I can say nothing that conveys how remarkable it is that comes close to seeing it for yourself.

sa 022



Space Assassin – Part Two

Given that the large box of space squirrels I left us contemplating last time seemed to contain a large amount of angry space squirrels, I decided to leave it alone and have a look inside the crate which sat nearby. Inside was their feed, space squirrels preferring ‘orangey-purple fruit’ as the primary component of their diet. The group suddenly calmed and watched me intently, expecting a feed. They didn’t get one though as I simply pocketed a few pieces of fruit and headed on my way. After another hundred metres or so, the corridor came to a dead end which presented two buttons, to the left and right, for me to press. I chose the right one, the wall dropped and revealed the path forward was currently occupied by a terrible foe indeed… the cleaners! I do not jest either, as in all seriousness, the three of them were not only instantly hostile towards me, but with Skill of 9, 8 and 7 were more effective in combat than the guard robots I had previously faced! Again, I restate, these are cleaners, armed with vacuum cleaners. Mental. sa 006     The following room was a long one, half covered in water, with a door at the opposite end. Under the water seemed to be a large collection of pipes, clamping equipment and machinery, so I chose not to jump in and went through the door at the other side. It was here that things got a little odd. Stretched out before me was a wide, open countryside, contained within the Vandervecken. I was miles above the ‘ground’, able to traverse the landscape via a series of floating pathways. I was on one which, predictably, was ‘arrow-straight’, but then led onto a T-junction where I took a left and then a right. Our author has a tendency to put in long, straight pathways and this tendency became almost farcical here as the pathway continued for ‘quite a few kilometers‘ before reaching a floating metal cube with a door in it. Also at this point was a rapid-transit commuter vehicle which I could use to travel back to the previous T-junction. I hadn’t walked all those kilometres in a die-straight line for nothing though, I wanted to get in that cube! sa 021   Horrors abound inside the cube. This was some sort of heinous surgery, we knew Cyrus was into some messed up stuff and this was as good an example of that as we’re going to see. Organs, limbs and some unidentifiable pieces of lifeforms were floating around in jars as a backdrop a human with tentacle arms strapped onto an operating table. Appallingly, the man was still alive and tried to speak to me and so I told him the truth, that I was an assassin sent to kill Cyrus. Given his current predicament, I didn’t think he’d have too much of an issue with that, or be able to do much about it if he did. Tears of joy filled his eyes and he tried to stroke my hand with one of his tentacles, which I’m not sure is touching or creepy. Either way he managed to spit out one piece of advice, ‘Take the middle, always the middle…‘, and then passed out. A short trip on the commuter vehicle later and I was taking a left at the previous T-junction where the path curved around and led me to a grey wall, signifying the end of the countryside. Through the door was a familiar scene, a security nexus where two dome-helmeted guards sat watching Zero-G Fangball. Yup, the book cover. I was going to try and convince them that I was a part of the crew, but they instantly pointed their blasters at me and so I had little option but to take them on. An easy fight too with them both at 6/4, another set of guards less potent in combat than the ships cleaning staff. From this room I could continue through a security door, but decided to take the option of the small sliding door instead. This happened to be the guards kitchen area, complete with plate of sandwiches and coffee. Say what you like about Cyrus, he looks after his people. Five Stamina points were mine after consuming all their food and so I went on through the security door. What I found still amazes me now as I relive this section of the book. Behold, a good candidate for the most boring illustration in the world. sa 007   A big room with a pathway running around the edge and a bridge in the middle. Couldn’t we have had a picture of the surreal countryside scene instead? Taking the advice of my tentacle-armed friend I headed along the middle pathway and managed to cross without incident, heading out through the door on the opposite side. The next obstacle in my way was a super-aggressive looking brute adorned in thick armour plate, carrying a ‘disintegrator’. This guy might end up being tough fight…sa 020 I flipped ahead a little and deduced that I wasn’t able to take the exciting sounding disintegrator off him after defeating him in combat and so opted to try the non-combat route. ‘To pass, you must answer my question… if you think you are intelligent enough’, he informed me. What the hell is going on here? The guy looks like a maniac just waiting for an excuse to eviscerate someone and yet he’s actually willing to drop all his guardly duties if you can prove your brain power by solving a puzzle? This doesn’t make sense. But who am I to judge as I couldn’t make sense of his puzzle. ‘What is the next letter in the following sequence: OTTFFSSE?‘. On deciding, I had to take the letters number in the alphabet (A=1) and multiply it by 10 to get my page number. I’m sure some clever soul will be more than happy to tell me how this one was done, but I really couldn’t be bothered with it in the end and did a little page flicking to discover the answer was N. ‘You may pass‘, he said, and so I continued, again taking the advice of the guy in the surgery and headed through the middle of three doors. And you know what, our intellectual brute had a Skill of 5. The cleaners had 9, 8 and 7. Sigh.